Should you wake your child to pee at night?
A popular technique used by parents to avoid their child wetting the bed is to wake up their child to go to the toilet at night (also known as ‘lifting’). Some parents set timers throughout the night to wake up their child for multiple trips to the toilet. The aim is to reduce wet beds and hopefully cure bedwetting.
Whilst this can be helpful for a few children when transitioning from nappies and it can help keep the bed dry, it’s generally not useful for chronic or older bedwetters. It usually doesn’t help the child learn how to stay dry in the long term.
However, it may help some parents because their child is less likely to wee the bed that night.
Why waking your child to pee at night doesn't work
When your child gets used to being woken up to go to the toilet, they don’t develop the bladder-brain communication that’s needed for them stay dry every night. You have effectively taken control of the bladder away from your child.
In addition, when you do this, the child’s bladder might not be full, so they don’t learn to recognise the feeling that the bladder needs emptying, and they need to get up to go.
Many parents wake their children around the same time every night, just before the parent goes to bed. This can set a pattern where the child learns to go at that time, whether they have a full bladder or not. Eventually, when parents stop taking them to the toilet, they may continue to wet the bed at this time.
A lot of children are still partially or fully asleep when lifted to go to the toilet, and often don’t remember being taken to the toilet. So they aren’t learning how to wake themselves up to go, or, learning how to hold on.
The child’s brain and bladder have no reason to build communication if you are lifting your child, so it is possible that waking your child to pee could prolong the bed wetting, rather than solve the issue.
Waking your child to go to the toilet can affect sleep
Having a good night’s sleep is essential for all children, however, for bedwetters, getting sufficient sleep is crucial. If you wake your child to go to the toilet at night, you will significantly disrupt their natural sleep cycle. As a result, your child will find it harder to wake up to any sensations of a full bladder. Therefore, waking your child to pee may be counterproductive to becoming dry at night, and may additionally lead to a very tired and grumpy child, on top of all the stresses of bedwetting.
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What do I do instead of waking my child up to pee?
There are several practical steps you can take to minimise bedwetting:-
- Get a medical check-up to rule out any underlying heath issues
- Ask your child to go to the toilet at least twice before they go to bed
- Additionally, make sure the child is well hydrated throughout the day but restrict fluid intake 1-2 hours before their bedtime
- Ensure your child gets a regular amount of good quality sleep (including at weekends)
- Learn what can contribute to, or cause, wet nights. The more you understand the different aspects to bedwetting, the more you can help your child
- Talk to your child about how the brain and bladder work, and especially how they need to communicate
- Another key point is to make sure they aren’t suffering from constipation
- And finally, find a bedwetting solution that is right for you and your child
Conclusion
While it is understandable that some parents choose to wake their child up to wee, and it does work for some families, it is particularly important to consider that in the long term, it doesn’t usually train the child to stay dry and it might prolong bedwetting. It doesn’t allow the child to build the essential communication between the brain and bladder needed for dry nights.
If your child is aged five or over and wetting the bed most nights, it is time to find an alternate solution that suits your family and produces lasting results.
As bedwetting is such a hidden issue, it would be helpful to other parents if you could share your stories. Leave a comment below about your experiences and if this article helped you. Have you lifted your child to take them to the toilet at night? Did it help?
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Stay Dry at Night is a breakthrough bedwetting program that aims to build communication between the brain and bladder so that your child wakes up to go to the toilet or stays dry all night.
The program provides essential bedwetting information, cognitive techniques and recordings for your child to listen to at night, and ongoing help and support.
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Stay Dry at Night is a comprehensive bedwetting solution that helps your child learn how to be in control of their brain and bladder. For more information on how to stop bedwetting go to Stay Dry at Night.
24 thoughts on “Should You Wake Your Child To Pee At Night?”
I have been trying the lifting method for 3 years with my 9 year old boy. I’m wondering now if it has in fact prolonged the bed wetting based on this article. It was recommended by his pediatrician. I’m going to try not lifting him to take him to the bathroom and see how that goes.
Thank you for your comment. For some parents, lifting works. They may notice their child becoming dry after a few weeks, or they continue lifting for years, successfully preventing bedwetting. However, if there’s no improvement within a few weeks, it probably won’t help the child learn how to become dry through the night. It can be quite a leap to stop lifting and let him wet the bed; however, it is worth taking. The program not only aims to improve brain-bladder communication but also focuses on setting your child up for success by identifying factors that may contribute to or cause bedwetting. Ultimately, the goal is for him to have dry nights and sleep through without any issues.
I have lifted my child at the same time every night for years ( set alarm for 1pm) however 3 times this week I didn’t lift him
And he has wet the bed on every occasion at the alarm time !! I just don’t know what to do ?
Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s wise to look into potential underlying factors. Bedwetting can be caused by various factors such as poor or inconsistent communication between the brain and bladder, or even physical factors like constipation (though the constipation may not be obvious). It’s also a good idea to consider the impact of foods, drinks, and sleep.
If you’re seeking more guidance and a comprehensive approach to managing bedwetting, you might find “Stay Dry at Night” helpful. This approach takes into account both the physiological and lifestyle factors contributing to bedwetting. The member’s toolkit offers a week-by-week guide filled with valuable information and techniques. Personalized recordings are created for your child to help strengthen the communication between the brain and bladder.
Remember, every child is unique, so finding the right approach might involve a bit of trial and error. Keep up the good work, and with patience and the right strategies, you can work towards fewer wet nights.
I have a 5 year old daughter I have always lifted her to the toilet every night at a certain, to a point if I miss the alarm and I wake up to lift her I find that she has already wet the bed. And now it’s frequent, does it mean i have made things worse?? What can I do now. Because she wets the bed everyday now. Even through she pees before bedtime. What can I do??
Hang in there, it can be frustrating and exhausting dealing with wet nights, but there are lots of ways to help reduce the wet nights. For some children, it is simply that the brain and bladder aren’t talking to each other through the night, and one way to help this is to explain to her how the brain and bladder work and how they need to message each other. Since she is only five, I would start with that and see how you go. In the meantime, I wouldn’t wake her up in the middle of the night to pee. It might help to purchase a Bedmate available through ‘The Midnight Gang’ (found at https://www.themidnightgang.com/collections/sheet-protectors/products/bed-mates). These easy to use sheet protectors are placed on top of the bottom sheet, and help contain any accidents, reducing the amount of washing until she is dry.
I’m becoming so beside myself and very frustrated. We got him out of nappies and he uses the toilet during the day. At night time we have the routine of having a wee before bed. I have regularly lifted him to take him to the toilet but on reading some articles it seems I’m making it worse. I just feel that he doesn’t want to get out of bed to go to the toilet. He can be dry ALL night and once he wakes up in the morning that’s when he decided to urinate. We are endlessly washing sheets. My partner has now decided to put him back into pull ups and it now seems he’s NEVER dry as a consequence. I feel we have gone backwards not forwards. Please please please advise me what to do. He doesn’t drink an hour before bed. He goes to the toilet regularly and before he gets into bed, he doesn’t drink fizzy pop…what can we do? Thank you in advance
It sounds like you’re facing a frustrating situation, but you’re not alone. It’s common for children to experience bedwetting even after being potty trained during the day. Waking your child to pee might seem like a proactive solution, but as you’ve noted, it may not solve the underlying issue. It may well be that he can’t wake up sufficiently from his sleep quickly enough to get to the toilet in time. Going back to pull-ups can give everyone a rest, especially when everyone is getting frustrated and a little sleep-deprived. Don’t do this when he is starting to become dry, though, as it will set you back. Here are some tips:
Encourage Toileting Independence: Instead of waking your child to pee, empower him to take responsibility for his own toileting needs. Encourage him to use the bathroom before bed and reassure him that it’s okay to get up during the night if he needs to go.
Use Protective Bedding: Invest in waterproof bed-wetting mats that go over the bed sheets, such as https://www.themidnightgang.com/collections/sheet-protectors
Consider consulting with his doctor. They can help rule out any underlying medical issues.
Then, if there isn’t any medical issue, consider purchasing a bedwetting solution such as Stay Dry at Night. I produce beautiful recordings that help get that brain and bladder talking to each other through the night. Moreover, I provide a wealth of information regarding what can contribute to or cause wet nights. We want that bladder to have the capacity to fully expand through the night so that he can wake up dry in the morning and be able to get to the toilet in time!
Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
Hang in there, and things will get better.
Like others here, we’ve been lifting our son before we go to bed and now I feel so stupid. We’ve been doing it for about a year. He’s five.
How much damage have we done? Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I understand your concern, but please be reassured that you haven’t done any harm. Waking children at night to use the bathroom works for some families, but it’s not universally effective and doesn’t always help the child learn how to stay dry at night. The key is to learn what can cause or contribute to wet nights so that you can set him up for success, and help him understand how the brain and bladder need to learn to talk to each other. You’re doing a great job by looking for the best approach for your child, and exploring other options can be a positive step forward in this journey.
Thank you, I really appreciate your reassurance.
Could emotions affect this? I just started lifting because my almost dry at night 4 year old suddenly pees in the bed every night. She also just had a new baby sister that she sometimes gets jealous of. Her doctor says she doesn’t seem to have any issues and the peeing started the day after we tried to drop the night nappies. We were so close now I’m wondering do I have to potty train her for night dryness afresh?
It sounds like your 4-year-old might be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions with the arrival of her new sister. Emotions can definitely impact nighttime wetting, especially during significant changes like this. Alongside emotions, changes in diet, quality of sleep and quantity, hydration, and bowel habits can also play a role. Offering extra comfort and support during this adjustment period can make a big difference. Revisiting potty training for nighttime dryness may be necessary. If you’re concerned, consulting your GP for personalized advice is always a good idea. Hang in there, you’re doing great!
Our almost 9 yr old son still occasionally wets the bed. He can go weeks dry and then have a rough patch (currently been about 4 weeks almost everynight). It used to be during school holidays now it is whenever and can be anytime 11pm or 6am or anywhere in between. He has been on & off like this since about 4 or 5. He said he is scared of the dark. Can the recordings help?
Thank you for sharing about your son’s bedwetting situation. It sounds like he’s been facing quite a challenge, especially with the unpredictability of dry and wet nights.
Our “Stay Dry at Night” program is designed like a jigsaw puzzle, where we address different elements of bedwetting triggers and solutions to help him achieve dry nights. While the personalized recordings are an important component—helping to build effective brain-bladder communication—they are just one part of a comprehensive approach. Our members’ area is filled with a wealth of information on potential causes and contributors to bedwetting. It also offers a variety of reinforcement techniques and other bedwetting solutions in a step-by-step weekly guide. Additionally, he may find the recordings calming, confidence-building, and relaxing, with the ultimate aim being for him to sleep through the night without the need to wake up to go. So yes, I believe that the program will be able to help him.
Please feel free to reach out if you need more details or wish to discuss further how our program works.
I recently decided to potty train my 3 yr old (38 months) – removing nappies both during the day and night together (based on advice i read in a book). The day training went splendidly and doesn’t even need much prompting (self-initiates during the day), but the nights have been more of mixed bag and getting worse. We have a potty chair next to his bed. I tried setting an alarm to wake him the first night which was an unmitigated disaster (refused to use the toilet, but just seemed to remind him to wee just after I left). The next night I decided to leave it – and he woke up to wee in the morning himself. I try to be vigilant with fluids before bed. He was starting to get to a stage where he seemed to wake before he needed to wee (and would cry out) – resulting in me coming into help him on the potty, which he’d have a wee and then he’d wake up dry. Now he seems to wake after weeing in bed and then gets very upset if I try to get him to sit on the potty. He also seems upset if I change his bedding (i have bed covers, etc so its super easy/quick). I think he might be ashamed of wetting the bed (which i try to make sure he understands that its all part of the learning and that he’s nearly getting up in time). I’m only 2.5 weeks in, and I’d really like to avoid going back to any nappies (i think the absence of them completely has helped the whole process). I don’t mind doing the laundry, I just don’t want him to end up worse off as a result of this process. We’ve had illness in the house this week (and not sure he’s 100% well, plus at least past couple days probably a bit constitipated). So this may sort itself out. My question is really if its ok to ‘stay the course’ with no nappies – and is there any point where I really should reintroduce nappies at night (again really resistant to this as i don’t want to send a mixed message). Please help – feeling incredibly anxious and unsure of what to do.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with potty training your little one. It sounds like you’ve made fantastic progress during the day, which is a wonderful achievement! Nighttime can indeed be more challenging, and it’s quite common for children to take longer to become dry at night.
Firstly, it’s excellent that you’re limiting fluids before bed. To support this, ensure he’s well hydrated throughout the day. Having a potty chair nearby is also a great strategy. Given the mixed results at night and the recent challenges, it’s understandable that you feel anxious and unsure about whether to reintroduce nappies.
Since you’ve noticed that your child may be experiencing some distress and possible shame associated with bedwetting, continuing to reassure him that this is a normal part of learning can be very comforting. Children often need time to develop the ability to wake up fully when they need to use the toilet. At 38 months, it’s still very early in the process for many children to master nighttime dryness.
Regarding whether to stay the course without nappies, it’s generally recommended to assess each child’s readiness and comfort, as well as your feelings about the process. If the bedwetting is causing significant stress or disturbance to his sleep and emotional well-being, consider reintroducing nappies at night as a temporary measure. This doesn’t have to be a setback or a mixed message. Instead, you can frame it as a positive step, ensuring he knows that using nappies at night is okay and that he can try again when he feels ready.
It’s also important to address any constipation, as it can significantly impact bedwetting. Remember, every child’s journey to becoming fully potty trained is unique, and it’s okay to adapt the approach based on your child’s needs and comfort.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best as you continue this journey!
Thank you Ginny – this is really helpful. I’ll give it some more thought. Personally I’d like to persevere a bit longer without nappies if we can. He is continuing to have accidents each night – but the wake ups have become fairly benign (i.e. not stressful / traumatic). E.g. Last night I think he actually got up and sat next to his bed (his trousers and blanket were wet – not the floor). He was about 2 feet from the potty chair.
The main thing I just want to check is that as long as its not causing any major sleep disruption / stress, am I doing him or his ‘night training’ any harm by not reintroducing nappies? We may get to the point we go there – but just want to make sure i’m not causing him any lasting harm by sticking it out a while longer.
Thanks again.
My son is 11yo and still wets overnight. He is not constipated but is an extremely heavy sleeper. We have tried without pull-ups since April, he went for almost a month without bed wetting but then fell in a bit of a hole and has been on and off since with me now getting up at 3am and waking him to go to the toilet to prevent a full wet bed, which is super upsetting for him. He has his first school camp coming up next week which he has been trying hard to not wet overnight as he doesn’t want to have to wear pull ups for that, as other kids will see. Reading your article, clearly I’m doing him a disservice by waking him during the night, he is still half asleep most times I do it. I have woken him at 3am and he’s been dry, and then his body wakes him up early morning, between 6.30-7am to go to the toilet and is also then dry. Wondering why the bladder and brain communication is not there during the night but does in the morning. Like I said, he’s a very heavy sleeper but does not snore. We’ve tried so many different things and it’s made no difference (limiting food and fluids at night etc). There is no one obvious factor of cause. If I took him to his GP what would I ask them to check (I’m a nurse but I don’t know what they can do to help!). Please help, desperate family here!
Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job of supporting your son through this. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems like he might be either producing too much urine for his bladder to hold through the night or his bladder isn’t expanding fully to hold sufficient urine. Even though you’ve ruled out constipation, it’s worth considering that constipation can often go unnoticed—there aren’t always obvious signs, and it’s hugely misunderstood. Ideally, your son should be having a daily bowel movement, and it should resemble smooth snakes or have the consistency of soft serve ice cream. If his bowel movements don’t match this description, even if they seem regular, constipation might still be affecting his bladder’s ability to expand fully overnight.
Bedwetting can indeed feel like solving a puzzle because there are so many potential contributing factors—everything from diet, fluid intake, and sleep patterns, to stress and, yes, even subtle constipation. Another crucial piece of the puzzle is building that brain and bladder communication, which can be hugely beneficial for some children. Strengthening the pelvic floor through specific exercises can also make a significant difference.
My program covers all of these aspects and provides a comprehensive approach to addressing bedwetting. In the meantime, you might find this blog post helpful: Bedwetting and School Camp – Practical Steps to Help with Bedwetting and School Camp.
As far as what to ask the doctor, here are a few suggestions:
Ask for an x-ray to check for constipation, just to be certain.
Check his vitamin D levels, as these can sometimes influence bedwetting.
Consider trialing a medication like Desmopressin, which can help him stay dry during school camp.
I’m here to help, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any more questions or need further guidance (ginny@staydryatnight.com). I hope this information gives you some new avenues to explore and that your son feels more confident as he heads to camp.
Thank you for this information as I’ve just been considering waking my 5.5yo at night but now I won’t.
He has had some bladder difficulties and saw a continence physio with no success who referred us to a urologist who prescribed medication for his bladder and we had immediate success during the day…life changing for us all! His urologist says we should be night trained now. Every now and then we have success but frequently lately, he is drenched at around 10-11am but then stays dry until morning. It’s like his body produces daytime urine for a few extra hours??? We are working on adequate hydration during the day (he’s not great). Anything else or discuss with his urologist? Or is this something your program could help with.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I’m glad the information was helpful. I understand that some parents choose to take their children to the toilet at night, and I know families who have done this for many years. While it may not necessarily teach the child to stay dry on their own, it can certainly help reduce the amount of laundry and manage the immediate situation. Ultimately, it’s important to find what works best for you and your family.
I often describe bedwetting as a bit of a jigsaw puzzle—there are several pieces to consider, and when we find the right ones, they come together to create the picture of dry nights for your child. My program is designed to look at all the aspects of bedwetting, identifying those missing pieces that might be contributing to the issue.
From what you’ve described, your son’s situation may be influenced by a few different factors, such as the communication between his brain and bladder, or possibly other physical or lifestyle elements. My program takes a holistic approach, focusing first on building that critical brain-bladder connection with a series of recordings that your son would listen to each night. This could be the missing piece for him.
In addition, the program also explores other potential contributing factors like hydration, diet, sleep patterns, and even pelvic floor strength, which cutting-edge research has linked to bedwetting. We provide week-by-week guidance on these aspects to ensure we address every possible angle.
While I do believe this program might be able to help your son, I always want to set realistic expectations. It doesn’t work for everyone, but I offer a 90-day money-back guarantee to give you peace of mind as you try it out.
I hope this gives you a better idea of how the program could support your son’s progress. Please feel free to reach out if you have any more questions!
My son is 5 and is peeing the bed every night several times.
He doesn’t have a drink 2/2.5 hours before bed in which he will go to the toilet, then another just before bed around 8:30pm.
By 11:30 he has wet the bed, then he wakes up between 2-3am to tell me he is wet and again between 4-6 in which sometimes he doesn’t wake up to tell me until he’s actually awake for the day.
I understand accidents but I think 3 times a night is quite excessive considering he has not fluid intake from around 5:30.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your child’s journey towards dry nights. Addressing bedwetting is often complex! Understanding bedwetting can be like solving a jigsaw puzzle; each piece represents a different factor that might be contributing to the issue. My program adopts a comprehensive approach, considering multiple potential causes and offering a variety of solutions. These include factors such as constipation, weakened muscles that support bladder control, lifestyle choices, and dietary habits. If you feel a conversation might be helpful, you are welcome to call me for a chat. I’m here to help guide and support you through this process.